24.8.17

Why we outgrow people & why it is okay to move on


There's a great pleasure in having some company and a greater pleasure in keeping genuine company. I have thought about writing this post for the longest and I finally got around to writing it. It took me a while because it's coming from personal experiences I'd rather have kept personal but it doesn't even matter anymore. 

I've met a lot of people throughout my life. Mostly from high-school through college and then grad school and others just from random occasions. While most relationships I've had, had it's good and bad, some were just not worth maintaining. 

One thing about me that still needs a lot of working on is the high expectations I have on others. I try to remind myself that the way I treat others isn't necessarily the way I'd be treated in return and that's okay. Understanding the intentions behind an action is what counts most. 

So, I've kept my circle of close friends very small because that's what works best for me. People I can trust and have a good time with and comfortably share a sad story with. That's the bare minimum genuine relationships should offer.

My circle of friends got even smaller after a massive evaluation of all the relationships I kept and I realised some were just not serving me anymore and neither was I them. Some conversations were seeming too forced for my liking and I found myself agreeing to what I internally disagreed with just to keep the peace and the friendship going.

starfish blue sea stock photo beach white sand whhite shells

Why I started to outgrow some relationships

  1. Differing values and principles- I am not one to make friends just to have a large circle of people around me. When I meet people and decide to become friends with them, it's because we share some values in common rather than a pair of stilettos. When you don't share some core values and principles then there will be a higher tendency of clashes which may lead to an unhealthy relationship.
  2. Polarising life choices- a little similar to the first point however certain life choices will sever a friendship in a flash. As individuals, we all have deal breakers for a number of scenarios.  A deal breaker is something that you can't figure you way around and nothing can work or be salvaged from that. 
  3. Maturity- unfortunately, not everyone's  thinking process will be on the same plane with yours and that's okay. Facing somes challenges and certain experiences frame our thinking and cause our thinking and perspective to change. We start to see things differently from another point of view which may be incomprehensible for others around us. In our search to find people who will understand us, we outgrow the others.  
  4. Toxicity- there is no compromising here. Sadly, it seems most toxic people that you'd come across are most likely someone you've known for a long time or deeply trust. It took me a while to realise what I sometimes called tough love was just plain old toxicity. Having toxic people around you may be very damaging to your self esteem and confidence.

stacked stones zen stones balance stones peace meditation yogi yoga stones

Why it is okay to move on 

The biggest favor I ever did myself was to let dead and dying relationships go. Now, I have a clearer picture of the people I want to surround myself with. People whom I have deep connections with and can share important moments with.

Certain  elements in a person's character won't likely change no matter how much we want them to and to hold on to something or someone that isn't fulfilling you is nothing short of a burden. Holding on to such relationships and people is a sure-fire way to keep yourself from going forward.

For me, taking something away from an experience is more than enough. I learn, then I move on.





36 comments:

  1. Hey Ray,

    Great post! One of the most challenging aspects of human relationships is letting go - particularly how and when to let go. The truth is, if we keep looking back we can't move forward. Thank you for reminding us that some relationships are just not worth it.

    Best regards,

    Pedro

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    1. Thank you Pedro for commenting on this post. I agree that when and how to let go may be hard to figure out but however long it may take, we just have to do it. Love your comment.

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  2. I can totally relate to this, my circle has grown to about three close friends and I have no regrets about this.

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  3. Great post! I've been letting go of a few toxic friendships and it was tough at first but now that I have some distance I know I did the right thing!

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    1. Good on you for that. It's important we take care of our emotions by letting toxic people go.

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  4. Yes, you are right that to move on leaving behind all the mishappenings

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  5. 'A thousand friends cannot be friends for a thousand years,' so a saying goes. As we grow older, we gain new experiences and our priorities change. Those changes engender new friendship even as we jettison the old ones. It is very challenging when we have to let some of our friends go as we climb up the ladder. However, we should have respite in the fact that they are forming new friendships as they grow as well. Great story.

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    1. I never heard that saying before but it makes absolute sense. Very true! Love you insight on this topic.

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  7. Those reasons are so important - great post!

    LEXI LIKES

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  8. So true! I know absolutely what you mean! I think it is normal and belongs to nearly each life that we outgrow people ... and that it is okay to move.
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  9. Great post! I totally agree even though i struggle with guilt when i let people go.

    Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. I know right? That guilt but you still have to do what's best for you.

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  10. Great post! It is absolutely okay to move on and let relationships go when they just aren't working anymore. Ever hear the saying "have a baby young and see who sticks around?" Yup. That was my eye opener for letting friendships go. Support and understanding is a key concept in keeping people close to you.

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  11. Great post! I definitely agree with you!

    Daniel x

    The Daniel Originals | Instagram: danielpoonvignez

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  12. i can see this benefiting so many people. your advice and thoughts are amazing and i agreed with you on everything!

    http://www.thewhimsicalwildling.com/

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  13. You are so right! It's hard, especially when it's a long term relationship to walk away when it's become toxic, but, sometimes you have to be self-protective with who you keep in your life.

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    1. Absolutely! Thanks for taking some time out to read this.

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  14. I'm the same like you, I count only a few good friends, we share common interests and look after each other in good times and in bad. Have a great week

    xx Simone
    Little Glittery Box
    Instagram: littleglitterybox

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  15. Love this post, so helpful to know I'm not the only one who occasionally outgrows people! It's a struggle but just a part of life.

    Anika xo | anikamay.co.uk

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  16. You are so right in this post. I have lost many people these past couple years because we are growing as people and our life perspectives change so much. But thats okay! Thats life.

    Heidi ✨ | Heidi’s Planner | Instagram

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    1. It's absolutely okay to drift away from people.

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  17. I loved reading this!! It is so accurate and gives great insight of when you may have outgrown a relationship. This past summer I severed ties with friends I had know for over a decade! It was a toxic situation where I kept getting hurt or let down. The moment I stopped, it is incredible how much happier I became. Thank you for sharing what you've experienced. I am so grateful you had the courage to do so. Xo, Ellese

    Rock.Paper.Glam.

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    1. Thanks for this sweet comment. I can relate to your story as well and I'm sure you're doing much better away from that toxic situation

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  18. Great post! xx

    https://tiateilli.com

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  19. I've been going through a similar kind of situation recently and your post has helped me so much. I agree - it's important to move on and let others move on too. Great post.

    Have a lovely day!

    xx Kris | https://dreamingofpink.wordpress.com

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